


A Dance with Danger

by Alasys



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Betrayal, F/M, Light Angst, Mentioned Hinata Shouyou, Mentioned Kozume Kenma, Mentioned Kuroo Tetsurou, Miscarriage, Pregnancy, Survival, Unplanned Pregnancy, Yandere, Yandere Oikawa Tooru, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:21:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27271846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alasys/pseuds/Alasys
Summary: Oikawa is a smart man. You know this. You admire his genius. Carrying a group of nine people on his back, he still manages to listen to your wants tentatively and work hard for your comfort.As he countlessly echoes the words, "You are always my top priority," you feel a sense of security that had not yet been achieved even before the world went to shit. The trust formed between you two is unbreakable and impenetrable. Never in a million years do you see him betraying you. There is not a bone in his body capable of hurting you.Right...?
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Oikawa Tooru/Reader
Comments: 12
Kudos: 63





	1. Her Wavering Emotions

You had the pleasure to witness it firsthand; the first stages to rid the world of the burrowing disease, the stage where humankind had the ultimate realization that nothing can be done to save them, and the last stage in which you had to survive just like your cavemen ancestors. Everything came full circle, and it makes your stomach sick every time you paid the slightest of mind to it.

It was around midnight during the summer and alarms were sounding off around your apartment complex. It begged the inhabitants to listen to its pleas. Despite the time of night, the city was very much alive. The fire leaking out of homes and buildings served as a beacon of warmth for all to be driven to. The crazed people who craved to taste the barest hint of blood danced below that light, and the boisterous music of bombs dropping over infected areas gave them something to dance to.

If you were a tourist who could go back to the safety of your home at anytime, it would have been a sight to see. Too bad that wasn’t the case.

You and your boyfriend were sitting in your shared apartment, his arms wrapped around you as your silent sobs shook your body with vigor. But even as terror plagued your being, neither of your eyes could part ways from the light emitting from the television.

Countless news and radio stations pled with the public.

_“Leave! Find shelter!”_

” _The military will do everything in their power to fix the situation, but for the sake of reducing the spread, evacuate effective immediately!”_

” _This is life and death people! Move your asses!”_

And Tooru knew he had to. There aren’t many family members that he stayed in contact with, meaning all he had to worry about was you. On the other hand, you had no one. Disowned from your parents due to a previous relationship that was deemed unapproved, you chose your ex over them. While you stared at the TV, you couldn’t help feel slightly guilty over it. Maybe you should have tried to rekindle and salvage what was left the crumbling relationship; with the parents who gave you life, clothes, and a home. Knowing it was way too late only punctured a small hole in your heart. _Is this really the end of the world?_

In a weird way, the knowledge of this only gave your boyfriend a wave of happiness; you and him would be forced to stick together no matter what. It wouldn’t matter if you got into a huge fight or gave him the cold shoulder. You would just have each other to get through this shitty end-of-the-world experience.

The frantic yelling on the current news station you guys were watching pushed him out of his thoughts. Right. He has a duty to fulfill: pack your things and get you to a safe place. It’s not like he wanted to leave your side, even if it was for the purpose of packing essentials. He couldn’t bare seeing you terrified, yet he found some solace in the fact that you refused to let him go.

You grabbed the hem of his jacket and pulled him back. He smiled gently as he tucked your head in his neck, gifting you an affectionate squeeze. In the moment, you didn’t fully understand why he could be smiling in a situation like this. What’s there to smile about? You both could die if a poor decision led to one wrong turn. Soft kisses peppering the top of your head was all it took to make you forget about the anomaly of his expression.

“It’ll be alright. I promise.” Tooru whispered in your ear. The distant sound of an explosion juxtaposed his statement. The following sound of screams only imbedded the foreboding feeling of impending death into your brain.

“I’m scared, Tooru.” You squeaked out, grabbing onto him even tighter.

He lets out a soft sigh. Your boyfriend pulled you back so he could see your face properly. The dried tear stains he saw were replaced with a fresh stream. With only the TV to illuminate the small room, he could see the redness in your eyes perfectly.

You’re relying on him— _needing_ him... And nothing will ever beat the feeling he gets whenever you look up at him with expectant eyes, begging him to hold you tight and never let go.

Subtly engraving that, he wipes your tears away with his thumb. “You don’t need to be scared because I will take care of of you.”

You hiccuped. “We don’t know what’s going to happen...”

“That’s right. We don’t. So why fear over something we don’t know, let alone have the ability to control?”

Your puffy eyes searched his for any sign of hesitation or reluctance or even fear. You found none. While reassuring and helped soothe your nerves, why wasn’t he freaking out? People are eating each other due to an infectious virus.

You decide to ask. “Why are you so calm...?”

Again, he smiles. “I have to be.”

“It’s fine to show some fear.”

“Maybe.” He says quietly. Eyes dropping to your mouth, he leans in slowly.

It’s not like you would pull away anyway, but he still offered you the chance of refusal. Your eyes fluttered closed once he connected your lips to his; he trapped your bottom lip in his mouth.

It was soft and comforting and everything in between. Nothing like those hot and heavy kisses he would reacquaint you with often. Pure love and affection is what the story this specific kiss told. He slowly pulled away as if he didn’t want it to end, but he still had to get his point across. “I love you, F/n. And I’ll do everything for you. You can rely on me for anything because you will always be my top priority... okay?”

“...Okay.”

**2 Years Later**

“...We clear?” Shoyo’s less than quiet whisper asks F/n. This little expedition for supplies turned from a two person to three person job. And being the aloof and loud guy he is, Shoyo had trouble minimizing his excitement for the adventure. He wanted to tag along to “keep you girls safe,” but you and Yachi knew the real reason. He got kicked off his own job to hunt. That sincerely wasn’t his fault, however. Nature just decided that he couldn’t find any fruitful meals in its home.

So what does he do? He joins the girls! Not like you or Yachi mind, but he can get a little... compromising. Like now! The three of you took it upon yourselves to scavenge a neighborhood that Kenma had the miracle of laying his eyes on during one of his dates.

Barely invading the second abandoned house in the lineup, the team found little to no treasures. A huge disappointment to F/n, but expected. Any sensible human being driven by the mere feeling of starvation should ransack any place should it be deemed available with food.

You lick your lips and turn around to face the small distraction. Visible annoyance etches onto your face, causing him to shrink in size (even more than what he already is).

Shoyo presses his thumb and index finger together, bringing it up to the edge of his mouth and dragging it to the other end.

F/n sighs before scanning around the corner. It’s clear. Waving for the others to advance, you move forward. It’s a pretty decent sized home, but the space is way smaller than how it would appear if it were not littered with debris and other shit of the like. The immediate area is safe, however, that doesn’t mean there aren’t hiding secret spots infested with biters. F/n decides this is a good time to lure them out if that is indeed the case. You give them the signal and they take a step back just in case they'll be caught in the overflow.

If more compromises do pop up, the chances of escaping are higher in the position they stand in now, rather than seeking out the infected themselves. You grab a full salt shaker from the counter, quickly judging from its weight that it should suffice. You spot a closed, glass door that happens to be the threshold between living room and office. Target acquired.

Within moments, the glass shatters and crumbles helplessly to the ground, the tiny bits casting a puny reflection of the sun. The after effects of the shatter brought an un-welcoming fever into the atmosphere. It once again paid reminder that this block is eerily deserted, and quite frankly, very much dead in its very nature. The three keep their weapons accessible as they watch but mainly listen. It became even more eerie now that the world around them neglected to acknowledge the broken glass. F/n’s eyes dart around, and finally do you notice something. Traces of a family that once lived here can be seen in the pictures hung on the wall and drawings colored outside the lines stuck to the refrigerator. You swallow harshly, a certain unsettling feeling nestling deep within your stomach. The sight of a height chair almost brought you to tears.

You shake your head and inwardly give a small scolding. You tuck your hand gun in your jeans before turning to face your friends. “Okay, we’re clear now.”

They nod and spread about the room. Cabinets open and close quickly; any remaining cans of food were robbed. No one spoke. Not even a small interaction. Shoyo felt obvious need to clear the air, but his voice was stuck in his throat. He’s not one to wimp out on confrontation, but a serious subject at hand deters him from that goal. You look somewhat distant— Shoyo sees that your focus is solely driven by the fact that you have a duty to bring back supplies. Even Yachi appears somewhat uncomfortable.

Shoyo curses, bags some unopened kids sized pretzels packages, and turns to look at you. “H-Hey, sorry about earlier. I’ll try to be more quiet.” An embarrassed blush softly paints along his cheekbones. “I know you’ve been irritated, so having me here is probably not the best medicine, haha.”

You look up and notice his guilty expression. You simply sigh— his guilt slowly seeps into your conscious and you can’t help but feel at fault. “You’re fine, Shoyo. It’s not your fault.” You run a hand down your face. Exhaustion has become you these days. “If anything, I should be apologizing. I’ve been taking my feelings out on everyone.”

Shoyo immediately lightens up, glad to hear you actually speak. The happiness is short-lived, although he knows why. “Trust me, we understand.”

You pay him a small smile in appreciation.

Yachi steaks up since Shoyo laid the groundwork for the topic, her timid voice barley reaching your ears. “You’re doing okay, right?”

F/n sighs again. It’s not like this subject is taboo. A little touchy, yes, but it is more so about it being difficult to properly sort your feelings. You don’t know what would of happened if things did continue on as they were supposed to. But could you live happily ever after for the rest of your life if they did? Could your baby? Not knowing is what kills you. Sometimes thinking back to that conversation you had with Tooru when things first went to shit appeases your soul. “We don’t know.” That is what he had said.

They both look at you, expectant to see either tears or a passive dismissal. You stifle a groan, unsure how to properly convey the emotions not even you can figure out. “Um... yeah?” Shoyo and Yachi glance at each other in slight surprise. You cuss and decide to be as open as you can. “Like I know I should be thankful I won’t have to raise a child in a world like this... but at the same time, I _really_ wanted this baby. Our home is safe and quiet. Maybe they would have lived a content life? Ugh, I don’t know....”

Yachi feels a weight lifted. The atmosphere less suffocating now that you are finally talking. “You’re just frustrated?”

“Yeah.”

Shoyo walks around the room passing by the broken glass door. Some glass managed to stay on the opposite side of most of the debris, erupting a crunch as he walks by. He is one to pry and ask questions that don’t concern him. Sometimes you mind, sometimes you don’t. He doesn’t care what you end up thinking; he’d rather just talk.

And this is one of those times. He rakes his hand through his orange head of hair with an obvious look of curiosity. “I’m not gonna lie, I’m surprised Tooru has even let you leave.”

Yachi immediately hops on the bandwagon. “Oh my god, that’s true.” And right then and there do you realize that these fuckers are most likely gossiping about your relationship. You don’t have the strength to care; at least they end up confronting you, no matter how backhanded. Yachi continues, “Even when you were pregnant he didn’t seem to have a problem with you going on runs.”

Yachi assumed you were around 3 weeks when you found out, which meant you had been going out and risking your life during all of that time. Truthfully, you were in slight shock when you asked Tooru for his opinion about fulfilling your jobs for the group. He said he didn’t mind because he trusts your judgement, noting how you always come back unscathed. He did state he wasn’t entirely comfortable knowing you’d leave, which made sense. You shrug, not seeing a real problem just yet. “That was the first few weeks. The baby would have been fine anyway. I was supposed to quit supply runs soon too.”

Shoyo raises an eyebrow, his concern growing tenfold. You don’t see how it’s odd? “That’s not our point. You realize how over protective he is of you, right?”

You open your mouth to speak in defense, but your mind stutters in the process. Doubt slowly seeps in your head, contorting the image you perceive to be your lover. “Well— Yeah.” Your heart rate speeds up as unprecedented thoughts take charge. If you couldn’t sort out your feelings before, this only made things way worse.

Shoyo notes your expression. “I’ve just always found it odd why he didn’t seem to press you to stay home.”

“Where are you going with this?” You ask, a hint of annoyance coating your words.

“Nowhere! It was just an observation.”

You tell yourself to leave it at that. Don’t add something else to your plate; there is plenty already on. Just finish this shit, go home, and take a nap.

And once again, the atmosphere false tense. Yachi swallows nervously and directs the conversation elsewhere. “F/n, can I see the list real quick?” 

“Oh, right. Here.” You dig into your back pocket, retrieving the less than neatly folded paper containing all the names of potential medicinal products. Yachi, being the pre-med gal that she is, knows exactly what to look for that F/n might otherwise discard. “Let’s go search the master bedroom. People hide a lot of shit in there.”

About thirty minutes pass by, a thorough search of the room resulting in absolute garbage. They found a bag of cough drops (which Yachi happily bagged) but that was all. This miracle of a neighborhood that Kenma saw is really not much of a miracle. The only real miracle is that this goddamn place is void of infected.

The air between the three became less awkward as time dwindled on. Eventually, all forgot why they had that discussion in the first place. Shoyo wonder’s if he should have a conversation like that with you again. He ultimately decided that he would… maybe once he caught you in a good mood though. The whole situation with Tooru, the pregnancy, and the miscarriage bestowed a disquiet impression on him.

His mind sort of takes charge, and it is not until he unknowingly picks up and odd (but long) shaped object. A vibrant hot pink color refreshingly contrasts the grey environment. He stares and stares at it, not fully comprehending what it is. Then it hits him like a deer in front of headlights.

“U-Uhhhhhh.” Shoyo’s voice shakily pops. It’s been quiet up until now, so his little noise make the girls look at him. You first see his star struck face, then you see what’s in his hand.

You actually stretch a smile in amusement as his face just gets hotter and hotter. “Do not tell me you don’t know what that is.”

“I-I know what it is!” He sputters.

“Then what is it?” You tease.

“You know what it is so why do I have to tell you!?”

“Say it!”

“You say it!”

You shrug. “Okay. It’s a dildo.”

He almost falls over, a disgruntled expression plaguing his features. “I shoulda known you were gonna say it.”

You snort at his disposition. “Does that thing make you feel inferior?”

He begins stuttering. “N-No! Just... why is it so big...?”

“It’s not big.” Yachi quietly claims. Her eyes snap open. _Oh no. No. NO!_ She bashfully meets eyes with the people she just exposed herself to. “Sh— I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”

Shoyo is more than happy for the information because all embarrassing attention left him. “Woah, Yachi.”

F/n smiles, looking at the girl with eyes as if you already knew everything. “I didn’t peg you to be like that. Mad respect.”

“I have medicine to find so let’s go.” Yachi groans. She looks at the male specifically. “Sho, you don’t have to keep holding it.”

Just as quick as she said it, Shoyo dropped the sex toy. A thud was replaced in its wake, somehow throwing the embarrassment back onto him in no time.

You could only laugh.


	2. Warning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You ignore the foreboding feeling in your stomach in an attempt to keep things easy with Tooru. Bad idea or good idea? You find out soon.

One of the perks about living on a farm is that the land is massive. The field stretches for miles that would otherwise have a surplus of crops if it weren’t for an infectious disease. For months, F/n has been able to see the glittering sunset and sunrise either saturated with pinks and oranges or a combination of both. It is the best part of your mornings; you welcome each other’s warmth, blessing the premises with its divine beauty as you do yours. 

The complete and utter serenity of the scene is almost a valid reason to birth new life into this fucked up world. Almost. It pains you. You live in a calm and quiet place while the infected are just waiting for the chance to sniff you sons of bitches out. It’s a joke. Your home offers nothing more than a deluded illusion to your fantasy.

“Love?” Tooru’s voice creeps up behind you. His usual hefty footsteps didn’t catch your attention this time. The wooden porch should have enhanced the sound; it didn’t. You're too lost in thought about, well, everything to really want to notice.

You get chills as he embraces you from behind, nestling his head in the crook of your shoulder. “Good morning.”

The comments Shoyo and Yachi said on the previous day’s run only continue to haunt you, whispering jeopardizing chants in your ear. Being out there, you were able to forget their pestering, but as soon as you saw your beloved at home, your stomach did a flip. And not in a good way. Nothing feels worse than questioning your own soulmate’s intentions; it’s as if you're criticizing god’s plan. 

But as your lover hugs you with the same affection he always had, your worries settle and lessen to a calmer wave. Silly, right?

“You weren’t in bed,” He says, his morning voice groggy and scratchy, planting a nervous tickle in your chest. God you love hearing it.

You lean back into him. “I couldn’t go back to sleep.” 

He hums, tilting his head to look at your profile. An eyebrow raises inquisitively; you already know he has an idea. Still, he opts to ask the age old question: “Are you okay?” Don’t you just love those words? No doubt are his locutions drenched in concern, growing evermore as you fail to answer. He gifts a gentle squeeze to your torso. “Tell me, F/n. I don’t want you hiding yourself from me. You can be honest.”

Your heart flutters. How could you forget? You have a boyfriend who’d bend uncomfortably to suit your needs without uttering a single complaint. From day one of your relationship, he’s demonstrated such feats and executed them with brilliance. 

After he acquired your number, he’d slip cute notes into your bag as he’d pass by your morning lecture. You were no stranger to each other anyway, but it felt oddly amazing to be the center of his attention. The cute guy who’d occasionally sport nerdy glasses? Yes please. He’s always loved seeing your reaction whenever he’d surprise you with the food you mentioned you were craving or randomly pick you up for a late night joy ride. Truly a man of gallantry.

The little reminiscent thoughts pushing to the front of your mind act as a tool for defense. Keep his image the same; there is nothing wrong. You pay gentle reminder to the fact that he has always been there for you and always will.

Biting your lip, you air out your answer. “I don’t know if I’m okay. I think I am.”

Tooru immediately turns you around to face him, startling you in your stead. He pushes you back until you hit the wooden railing, securing your waist in his hands. The penetrating look in his eyes tells you a story you weren’t quite prepared for. They appear disingenuous. “Why don’t you know?”

You don’t like the way the meaning of his gaze shifted, almost as if he knows way more than you could ever fathom. It has nothing to do with his genius and everything to do with the condescending appeal.

A pit forms in your stomach. What happened to that unmoldable Tooru?

“I just feel like something is missing.” You reply quietly. His body stiffens, but he neglects to respond. So you push. “Don’t you…?”

“Nothing is missing.” Tooru answers with a slight snap. Your eyes widen at his abruptness (and somehow nearly neediness). “It's just you and I. Even before we met Daichi and his group, _ right now _ , it is still you and I.”

You don’t like how he says it. His warm eyes contradict the frightening implication in his speech. Tooru looks calm. Too calm, yet too alarmed. Staring back into his eyes, you hope to find an inkling of  _ something _ . Does he not mourn for the baby you both lost? Did he not want a baby after all? Where is the honesty he told you to have, yet fails to provide himself? 

You scrunch your eyebrows together, completely befuddled. “It was my baby, Tooru.”

His face falls flat, devoid of all emotion. “...I know.” And you notice it. Your words seem to have provided unwarranted tension between the two of you. 

The fetus died at 8 weeks, yet it still manages to forge a rift between the parents. 

A soft morning breeze tenderly ruffles Tooru’s hair, slowly gravitating back to its original position on his head. Locks fold over his forehead and lay in his eyes, acting as curtains that shield an unknown character in a play. The love and adoration he always looked at you with is now replaced with some form of resentment, if not vexation. Somehow, your boyfriend stands unrecognizable. 

Does this subject really upset him that much? You decide to test the waters.

If he really doesn’t want a baby, just fucking say it. Disregarding his unnerving expression, you give him the opportunity to answer with candor. “Can’t we try for another?” Do you really mean it? In the moment, no. This is more so to test his integrity alone.

“F/n.” Now he’s getting annoyed.  _ Really _ annoyed.

You swallow nervously. “Obviously not now, but in the future?”  _ Just think about it, Tooru. It’s not like I’m asking to fuck right now. _

Tooru rolls his eyes (an occurrence that rarely happens, especially if it’s directed at you). He answers your question with a question of his own. “It’s too dangerous to carry a baby now. You really want to risk both your life and the baby’s?”

“That didn’t answer my question.” You try not to falter. 

“Have you ever considered that maybe your body can’t handle carrying a child? In  _ this _ climate?”

“Tooru…”

He exhales heavily, running a frustrated hand through his hair. “Can we discuss this later? Just come inside. Let’s eat breakfast before the others wake up and interrupt us.” 

There is no room for rejection because he harshly grabs your wrist and forces your body to fall into step with his. You are stunned. Never, in all the years of your relationship had he been this rough and dismissive with you over a conversation that should have remained calm and respectful. 

You glance down at his hand; his knuckles turn white. You barely feel him squeezing. The pain is nonexistent. All you can do is follow close behind your lover as he throws open the door and drags you inside.

  
  
  


____________________

  
  
  
  


You both never discussed it again like Tooru said he would. Five days passed without a hitch. It seemed to serve your sanity better to ignore the confrontation and go about your day to day life. After all, Tooru had no problem doing that too, although it was odd for his track record. He preferred hashing out even the tiniest bit of an argument in an attempt to discover even grounding. Maybe that was what built your relationship as tall and strong as it is today. Maybe not.

As per usual, Tooru peppered your face with kisses and hugged you at any ungiven time. Nothing seemed to weigh on his shoulders at all. And while that wasn’t the case for you, you concluded that perhaps dismissing it all together was for the best. It is literally a man eating man world out there. Why continuously worry over a baby that has no business being born into such a domain? 

Ah, right. How moronic have you been? Of course your boyfriend is the most logical here. Of course he’d be the one to consider the distant future where you have the potential to die. Of course….

You somehow grew too attached to a fetus, not yet an infant. As sick as it made you feel, it is possible that you took this unborn child of yours and projected an unrealistic set of ideals and fantasies onto it. Is this your own special version of fetishizing? 

Yeah… it is better to ignore the discussion after all….

Slapping your hands against each cheek, you rise from the foot of your shared bed and head downstairs.  _ Get out of this weird funk, F/n _ , you scold yourself. The tireless voices emitting distinct bickering within the kitchen drives you straight there. It’s about noon on a saturday, meaning Tobio and Shoyo are back from their hunt. Thanks to little Shoyo’s partner in crime, the barren woods extinct from any scuttering animal no longer served as an obstacle in their hunting quests. Tobio suggested to head farther out past the city, and lo and behold: food. 

Being back this early meant they were seriously lucky in their catch. 

You walk into the kitchen and see a red-faced Koushi and Daichi, standing horribly annoyed as they watch the black and orange haired duo. Dried blood and dirt are tracked everywhere; those two tend to get tunnel vision. Tooru sits at the table adjacent to Kuroo, talking about something to do with a herd of infected. He notices you immediately, a bright smile beaming in your direction. You awkwardly smile back before looking back at the disaster you call your kitchen. 

“I’m looking forward to dying of disease.” Crossing your arms, you join the two who monitor the situation.

“Tell me about it.” Koushi scoffs. “I can’t complain since we have food though…”

“You won’t have to if you die from disease.” You reiterate, igniting a small laugh from him.

“Gosh… and they left out  **all their weapons on the counter!** ” Daichi raises his voice for the intent that they’d hear. They turn and apologize anxiously before Tobio grabs the bow and arrow and rifle. He tells the shorter to finish skinning and preparing the meat as he turns to leave.

Your eyes trial the poor rifle; dirt and grime shoved in the barrel make your skin prickle with the chills. How in the fuck did that happen??? 

The disgruntled noises from both Koushi and Daichi prove that apparently not even the hunter can do anything right in this house. You follow close behind him into the living room. 

Not that you really noticed, but Tooru’s eyes have not once left your striking form. Truthfully, you’ve gotten so used to it to the point you can barely pay mind to it. In the beginning, his gaze flustered you beyond no end, making you self conscious of even the way you walk. It became a second nature sort of thing, the kind of thing that came with the whole package of dating him. Amassing the security and affection from Tooru, it was only natural to become comfortable with those stares.

As Tooru watches you leave the vicinity he resides in, Kuroo’s voice melts away into nothing. The discussion about the herd became nothing. He is blatantly not paying attention to it at all anymore, but Kuroo doesn’t even catch this since he’s too busy elaborating his thoughts. How could you walk out with another guy like that? In front of your boyfriend, no less?

He would have quickly followed if he couldn’t see you, but his seat allows some vision to where you sit.

“That thing is gonna blow up in your face if you don’t clean out the shit inside.” You state.

Tobio rolls his eyes. “I know that, woman.”

He lays out the weapons on the floor, now exposing a knife and a handgun completely riddled with the same contagion.

Your eyes widen in disbelief. “Jeez. What did you and Shoyo do out there? Everything's filthy.”

“Plenty aware.” Tobio cusses. Today has not been the best day for him, that much you can tell. You relate to that and know not to pry or even go as far to make light of this too much.

“Let me see.” You reach out your hand to grab the rifle, asking him to pass it. Hmm… maybe you’ll do a favor. “Would you mind if I clean this for you?”

He raises his eyes to yours, catching him a bit off guard. A softer appeal glows in his usual dark orbs. “Hm? That? Knock yourself out. Thanks..”

You nod and get to work, tuning out your surroundings and using this simple task to deter intrusive thoughts from threatening to make their grand appearance. Tobio’s eyes still lingers on you. He has never been the type to bluntly express his feelings in any sort of way, however he has tried to find suitable ways to reach out to you ever since the misacarriage. But, of course, there is one specific deterrent from that even happening. 

And that specific deterrent is glaring daggers in the back of his head. His eyes snap and lock onto Tooru’s.

Something tells Tobio that he fucked up royally. 

  
  


____________________

  
  
  


Meeting both Tobio and Shoyo under the huge oak tree only 100 feet away from the house, you present your gifts on the picnic bench. All weapons belonging to the group are cleaned; the knives are even sharpened and polished! Cleaning that one rifle turned into two, then you went straight for the hand guns, then the bow and arrow, and finally the knives.

It served its temporary purpose to distract you from the realities of the world-- ironic considering that these weapons are used to defend against it. Either way, you weirdly enjoyed it.

“Woah, thanks F/n!” Shoyo bounces on his feet, excitement consuming his whole body. He really does enjoy the simpler things in life.

“Easy money.” You shrug.

“We’ll owe you.” Tobio says.

Your eyes light up. Those are just the words you wanted to hear! “May I propose an idea?”

“Wow. Uh, sure, go for it.”

“Next time you head east for your hunt, stop by that convenience store off of Miliken and snag me some soda.” Your taste buds tingle at the phantom flavor. How long has it been since you indulged in a sugary drink?

“Seriously?” He deadpans, unamused.

“It’s the end of the world; I don't think you should criticize how we get liquid.” 

He raises a concerned eyebrow. “But… it’ll be lukewarm. You really want to drink lukewarm soda???”

“I can wait until it's winter, dude. Stick it in the snow. Can you guess what happens to the temperature of the soda if that happens?” He rolls his eyes but doesn't answer. 

Your refrigerator used to work due to solar energy once everyone stumbled upon this farm. Granted all food items were rotten and smelled raunchy, it worked pretty decently. After a few months, it went kaput. While that was a major disappointment, you will forever thank the lord that the plumping is connected to the well, meaning shower’s for everyone! 

No longer would you have to be insecure over sweat and grease coating your body whenever your lovely boyfriend would make his sexual advances (most all the time were those experiences less than desirable and pleasurable). Those musty days have been over for a while now, prompting you to enjoy and look forward to those intimate nights again.

You look at the other male. “Deal? Shoyo, I know you’d do it.”

“Yep! Deal deal!!” 

You giggle. Why does he seem so excited over this?

“Don’t worry, we’ll get it.” Tobio shakes his head as if Shoyo is spending his energy.

“Shake on it.” You offer, hand hanging in the air longer than necessary. He groans and roughly clasps his hand in yours, solidifying the agreement in less than one second before pulling away. Your mission? Accomplished. Making him uncomfortable can always be fun.

They leave you to your own devices as you organize the weapons in a tidy fashion for the taking. Tooru, Kuroo, Koushi, and Daichi will be leaving to scope around the farm before moving out to locate the herd. The hunters coming back without spotting any unusual mass amounts of infected was good news, however, that only meant they were clear from one direction. 

This herd has yet to make a significant appearance yet, which is beneficial for Tooru and Kuroo to come up with a decent plan if the herd does pass through the farm in the near future. Truthfully, you aren’t that worried about it. You trust that Tooru will take the best course of action for the betterment of the group. 

“What was that about?” Tooru suddenly pops up beside you. You jump in surprise and smack his shoulder. He seriously has to stop doing that. He laughs and sits down, gently pulling you to sit on his lap. Locking his arms around you and face nuzzled in your shoulder, the true meaning of peace on earth waves its arms in front of you. You said it once and you’ll say it again: you love this man.

“I was making sure they’d pull through with what they owe me.” You grin, wrapping your arms around his neck. The closeness in proximity always fulfilled the love language you rarely could satisfy before meeting him. Whenever he pulls you in is exactly like indulging in a cold, sweet treat on a hot summer afternoon. Truly satisfying. “So when are you guys leaving?”

Tooru’s grip gets involuntarily tighter. He can't help the uneasiness that courses through his veins every waking moment of his life. Not when it comes to you. “You should hang out with Kiyoko more.” His voice comes out somewhat shy, the complete polar opposite of the rage that threatens to boil over more times than he can count. “At the very least, Kenma.”

You force back the need to tease him once you understand where he is going with this. Instead, you opt to force the truth out of him. “Hm? Why? What about Yachi?” 

He pouts. “Don’t you think some of the other males might get the wrong impression if you hang around them for too long? It’s not like they can go on a dating app and have a one night stand these days.”

A shy grin stretches on your face once he airs out the true emotions behind that statement. Granted, he didn’t directly expose his jealousy, this was enough. “Aww, Tooru.” You rake your fingers through his hair and plant a kiss on his cheek.

“Stop. I’m serious.” He says, feigning annoyance. Though he mostly remains nonchalant for appearance purposes, the pink on his cheeks say otherwise. 

You giggle. “I’m 110% sure that Shoyo is totally in love with Yachi. Same with Tobio. Koushi has a major thing for Kiyoko too. There’s nothing to worry about.”

“There’s always something to worry about.”

“Like the biters that might kill us at any moment? Yeah. I worry about that too.” You sigh. “You shouldn’t worry about the amount of testosterone our group has.”

“True… true.” He trails off. He’s not fully happy with your words of genuine promise; he prefers solidifying your union as a couple in other ways. Even then, he is still peeved that you and Tobio have been a little too close for comfort these past few days. It seems he’ll have to figure out discrepancies to take advantage of and then forge a rift in whatever platonic relationship you have with Tobi. 

Again, he recognizes the platonic nature… but there is also a set of naturalistic needs called hormones. He’ll be damned if Tobio tries anything on you. And that punk Shoyo. Tooru has been keeping a special eye on that orange haired kid and Yachi; he suspects a threat oncoming.

He won’t air out those concerns though. Why tarnish his cute boy image?

“So when did you say you were heading out again?” You ask, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“In about 30 minutes or so.”

You hum. “Stay safe, please. I love you.”

“ _ I love you more _ .”

That's how it always goes. You say I love you and he says I love you more. Like a ritual exclusive between lovers and lovers alone. To reaffirm what you both already knew but still craved to reinforce, you would sing him the melody while he sang back in harmony. The perfect pitch is soothing to your ears. 

While bidding your goodbyes, Tooru smashed his lips against yours harshly, staying longer than his normal sweet and loving pecks. His right hand clasped the back of your neck while his other firmly held you around your waist. The blood rushed to your head, making you fall dizzy when he parted. He stared at you, a flirtatious smirk enveloping his face showing that he's obviously enjoying your flustered disposition. A certain message was sent and received. Then he left with the other three. 

You went back inside and fell on the couch, completely beside yourself. With the ghost of his kiss still imprinted on your lips, the stupid smile you carried neglected to fall off. Kiyoko and Kenma hanging out within the space as well, both their focus on their respective hobbies, spare a glance at you. 

“Tooru and them just leave?” Kiyoko asks, putting down her book. You nod, hoping today can end just as great as it did.

“You look like you shit your pants.” Kenma mumbles.

You feign your hurt ego. “What the hell do you think you look like with Kuroo then?”

“Definitely not as bad as you....”

Pursing your lips, you have the slight need to make a comeback, but then you shrug and ditch it. “Fair enough.” What? This is the best mood you’ve been in in weeks. Savor it! “Where are the others?”

“Tobio went to take a nap and Yachi and Shoyo are off somewhere. I think they went to the barn?” Kiyoko answers as she adjusts her glasses.

“They’re prolly screwing.” You say, getting into a more comfortable position on the couch.

“I wish they would just say it if that were the case.”

“Ahh, young love. It reminds me of the shitty guy I left my family for.” You think back, but it is rightfully short lived. They say everything happens for a reason, right? Meeting that sorry excuse of a guy was supposed to happen so you can actually go through some character development. You sigh and look at the black haired girl. “If I didn’t I would have never met Tooru though.”

“How long have you guys been together now?” She asks. 

You must have looked shocked because never has Kiyoko  _ ever _ been interested in the status of your relationship. Yachi is more the girl for complaining, so this is quite the oddity to hear the vaguest bit of interest from her.

“About 4 years? Around that.” Nonetheless, you grow intrigued. Glancing at Kenma, his face is back to being engrossed in a comic. Eh, you didn't expect enthusiasm from him. “Why?”

“Just curious…”

She is never just curious; she’s the silent type. Strike when your enemy has let their guard down because the silence aided in building the trust.   
  
You raise an eyebrow, a small smirk forming. No doubt does she have intentions. “...Do you have a thing for any of the guys here?”

“Definitely not.” Kiyoko opens her book again.

The sharpness makes you reconsider. Perhaps you don’t know her as well as you thought you did. “Oop. Okay.” 

The room falls silent. You stare up at the ceiling, Kiyoko reads her book, and Kenma lets out a cute sneeze while still trying to watch the pictures on a still page. The air is most definitely stale; you can almost taste it. 

You start bouncing your leg as a small spell of anxiety creeps up on you. Never have you been this bored in a while-- not even during your morning routine of watching the sun peak over the horizon. Should you cock block the horny shorties? Sounds appealing, but you're too lazy to walk all the way over to the damn barn.

What about waking Tobio? You’d be gambling life and death, but the thrill would be great! However, that would be five seconds of laughter and then five hours of torture. Not worth it.

“But if I did…” Your ears perk up in Kiyoko’s direction. Her face is glowing with redness. “Do you think we’d last as long as you and Tooru? I mean, you guys are doing great, especially if we consider, well,  _ this _ .” She motions to her environment, and you get the gist.

Is she really confiding in you right now? You contemplate leaving Tooru for this babe, but then realize it would be futile. You are  _ way _ outta her league, and you respect that fact.

Resting your head in your hands, you try to answer her question the best you can. Any insight is good insight. “Well, I’m not sure. We established a relationship way before the fuckin’ apocalypse, so we kinda had what we already built to fall back on.” You pause… “Not to mention I have no idea who your potential suitor might be. Care to tell?”

“I have to go to the bathroom.” She pretends to get up, but you don't risk it.

“Nope! Stay here, sweetie.” You sigh in defeat. “Are you afraid it won’t work out or…?”

Kiyoko bites her lip, the question harder to answer than she originally thought. What is stopping her? Well, F/n gets the idea. “I just dont think dating around is suitable nowadays. How would you court someone? By pretending to go for a drive in?”

You laugh. “Trust me, it's hard to let go of the luxury we had before. When we started evacuating the cities, I snatched some photos to carry with me just in case I ever wanted to remember my life.”

“Really? Do you still have them now?”

“Yeah. They should be somewhere up in my room.” You try to remember where. “I think Tooru’s baby pictures are in there too.” 

As soon as the word “baby” left your mouth, a sense of longing swiftly passed through your heart. So you really aren’t over it yet. Even Kiyoko reacted. Kenma stiffened (guess he really was paying attention to the conversation after all). Although, you can recognize that what you really aren’t over is Tooru’s dismissive attitude about it. 

What you perceived to be a good idea to ignore proves to pop up at random times, teasing you about its undying existence. Sheesh. What a debbie downer.

“Bring them down here.” Kenma softly speaks up. Your eyes meet his.They are expectant, a certain glimmer of mischief hidden in them. “I want a good laugh.” 

You know that this is his way of lightening up the mood; to be there in a way he doesn’t know how to properly express. Smiling, you stand up. “Then I’ll be back.”

The old, wooden stairs creak as you ascend. The shared bedroom waiting at the end of the hallway, you find its door slightly ajar, beckoning you to find its hidden treasure. Yet another creak as you push it open, your eyes sweep the room. Now, where did you put those photos?

It's been a long time since you moved them, and an even longer time since you've lived here. Your instincts motivate you to look under the bed, but to no avail. Then how about the dresser? There is a good chance you had hid them under some clothing. 

Filtering through underwear and t-shirts, you eventually hit the bottom. And guess what? Empty. 

You start to panic.  _ Did I leave them behind? No. I had them when we came here. _

Thinking about this, you realize that this small bedroom can’t hold a lot of hiding places. You dart to the closet, first checking the corners of the floor, then the tops of the shelf. Not bringing a whole photo album helped lessen the baggage, but it made the photocards difficult to keep track of. You suppose the time has finally come where you have to ultimately give up it's good grace. But as even those spaces came up empty, you had one final place to search. 

You look at the two sets of boots you and Tooru no longer wore, sitting idle on top of the shelf in the closet. Knowing you, you could have stuffed them in there for safe keeping. False memories of you doing that very thing is reason enough to bring them down. 

An odd weight pulls down one shoe harder than the others. For a second you believe that it may be the photos, but they are literal paper weight. Why would Tooru’s right boot weigh unnecessarily more? Something obviously hiding in there, so you stick your arm through the top and scoop down. Your hand comes into contact with a smooth cylindrical object. The contents inside fall over each other; the sound is akin to pills shaking in a bottle. 

You look at it, not knowing how to exactly feel. 

It’s because they are pills… Hidden… in your boyfriend’s boot…

Your chest tightens, a daunting feeling emerging once again as you look at the label.  _ What the hell is Korlym? _

Underneath that word resides another word in parenthesis: Mifepristone. You ponder as you take hold of the white medicinal bottle. Nervously biting your lip, a part of you hopes and prays that Tooru didn’t turn to drugs. The logical part of your brain reasons with the predicament; his actions and attitude are nothing out of the ordinary, even his eating habits remain the same. 

Suddenly, remembering the argument from a week ago, you noted his attitude the most. He had a difficult time masking his true feelings, although you yourself couldn't read into it without jumping to weird conclusions. 

A new addiction perhaps? No, that’s not Tooru. The weight in your hand tells you that it is still pretty full. You raise an eyebrow, a stroke of curiosity passing over you. A hand warily grabs the lid, pushing down and twisting until a satisfying pop sounds off. You opened it. Inside contains thick, round, white pills, and you can’t stop yourself from curiously grabbing one. 

Why? 

What is this for?

Where did he find it and why isn’t it with the other medical supplies?

Is this seriously a start of a drug addiction?

F/n drops the tablet back in and closes the lid tight. You never thought you'd see the day. You are actually questioning Tooru.  _ Your _ Tooru. That doesn't happen; it shouldn’t happen. If one thing is for sure, you have to have one long talk when he gets back. Give him the benefit of the doubt! It is easy reasoning with yourself on that simple fact. You expect him to offer you a practical explanation where you can shyly shrug it off, then you’d both go to sleep, entangled in each other's arms like the normal routine you established long ago. 

But something still didn’t sit right with you even as that desirable route of things played in your head. 

You looked intently at the bottle, trying to read where it could give even a small hint about the capabilities the tiny tablets hold. 

_ Korlym is used to treat hyperglycemia in adults with Cushing's syndrome who also have type 2  _ _ diabetes _ _ mellitus or glucose intolerance. Korlym should not be used to treat type 2  _ _ diabetes _ _ that is not related to Cushing's syndrome. _

You tilt your head. Tooru doesn’t have this, could he? Yachi can’t diagnose something like this. You flip the bottle to look at the back. Maybe there is a warning that it causes addiction or something.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**_WARNING_ **

**_TERMINATION OF PREGNANCY_ **

_ Mifepristone is a potent antagonist of progesterone and cortisol via the progesterone and glucocorticoid (GR-II) receptors, respectively. The anti progestational effects will result in the termination of pregnancy.  _

_ Do not take if pregnant or think you're pregnant.  _

_ Consult with your doctor about the possible side effects. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Yeah. 

There was a warning all right.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo, so I'm predicting this story will have about 3-5 chapters total.
> 
> But I keep getting ideas to implement within the story, so we'll see!
> 
> \- Alasys xxx


	3. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Overwhelming emotions are a tricky thing to handle. Too bad it gets a whole lot worse.

You would be the dumbest piece of walking shit if you were to up and ignore it. But how would you just love to feign ignorance! There are too many suspicions and disquiet feelings associated with those pills; trying to ignore it would ultimately prove to be impotent in one way or another. Either way you look at it, the outcome doesn’t look good. Tooru has no reason to hide pills away from the other medical supplies, so what must be the purpose? 

You boiled it down to two possibilities: 1) It is indeed an addiction or 2) Your loving boyfriend is a liar. Number two is quite vague, considering the possibilities, but it is enough of a blanket statement to keep you on your toes and hope the truth isn’t as bad as you perceived it to be.

However, that’s when you started delving beneath the layers.

How did he get them? Did Yachi bring them back? You’ve never seen them in her hands before. Does that mean Tooru went on his own to obtain these? The question of how it got here aside…. Why does the fact that the meds stress the result of a failed pregnancy make you so nervous? 

These questions make your head pierce with a headache. That and the nagging voice in your head telling you what a sad excuse of a girlfriend you are. The combo isn’t pleasant nor does it aid in the proceeding steps you should follow. You ultimately decided to put those pills in your side of the drawer, walk downstairs, sit back on the couch, and spew a little lie that you couldn’t find those precious photos that you held so dear. 

The plan now? Well, it is still quite hazy, but you figure that once Tooru comes home, you’ll ask him about it. 

In the meantime, you have to somehow bring this topic up to Yachi without actually bringing it up. Your suspicions also reside with her (although you would love to believe your friend wouldn’t do anything to hurt you).

The anxiety you haven’t felt since the breakout continues its awful presence. You shiver and bite your nails, a nasty cloud of worries hanging over your head the longer you marinate in your thoughts. A conversation with Kiyoko and Kenma could hardly be held as your mind already ran 20 miles ahead of you. All you could do is sit there and take the beating. What else could you do? Tell your friends you think there is a chance that your boyfriend did something to harm you even though it could also be nothing to worry about at all? 

Okay, well, yeah, that actually might be smart. You acknowledged that pretty quickly, however, you still wanted to have that chat with Yachi before anything else. If she is trustworthy, then you’ll have a simple talk with Tooru. No reason to make a fuss over something not even you are sure about, right? 

Less than an hour from the moment you found that pill container did the ginger and blonde finally enter the home (even though it felt years longer than that). Yachi’s reddened face was the first thing you noticed upon their arrival. She walked in with a slight limp, causing you to peer at the other shortie who accompanied her. His hair is disheveled and that familiar blush he always carried was ten times worse. If you weren’t sure before, you’re positive now; they are humping like rabbits. But whatever, good for them. You just need Yachi alone right now.

Fortunately, the awkwardness the duo held allowed some leeway in your goal. 

Unfortunately, Kiyoko was first to the punch. “Welcome back. Where were you guys?”

Both parties freeze, faces reddening even more. Is that even possible? Even Kenma smirks with amusement. You simply bite your lip, impatient.

“U-Uh, just taking a walk! The weather is r-really nice right now.” Shoyo stumbles on his words, waving his hands to dismiss whatever implication he perceived to be there.

“Then how come I saw you guy’s walk into the barn?”

“You saw-- I-I mean, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Shoyo panics as if this is some big deal. “We didn’t go to the barn… right Y-Yachi?”

She flinches but nods her head vigorously. “Right.”

The five inhabit the room, yet the hormonal duo manage to make it awkward. You sigh.  _ Get this over with, F/n. _

“Yachi?” You call, and she almost squeaks. “Can I steal you for a moment?”

The blonde considers if this is about her relationship to Shoyo, but once she fully registers your worry-stricken face, the heat from her cheeks dissipate. Soon, that embarrassed feeling is replaced by a rather uncomfortable one-- the same feeling she experienced when they went on that last supply run. Her face drops and she runs her hands up and down her jeans as if attempting to wipe away the sweaty nerves.

“Um, sure…” She practically whispers. 

You immediately hop on your feet and lead her outside and away from the crows. The footsteps echoing off the wooden porch morph into a crunchy sound emitted from the dirt, then fades into a soft squish on the wet grass. The oak tree is barely 100 feet away, yet as she keeps walking, Yachi can’t help but feel that looming, impending stroke of luck that isn’t so lucky. It's daunting to her. 

“Are you okay?” Yachi asks, eyebrows pushed together in worry for her friend.

You sigh quietly. It is best to be honest since you crave the same respect from her at this very moment. “No,” you state blandly. Leaving a bad taste in your mouth, the two-lettered word acts like a fist, punching you square in the mouth. You can almost taste the blood flooding your cheeks. The evidence is bright red, shouting curses to be noticed by its victim. Anyone would notice its strong color. You notice it the best.

You turn to Yachi, lips pressed in a thin line as you prepare your questions. “Do… Are all the medical supplies where they should be?”

“What?” The blonde grows confused. “I mean, yeah they should be. Why? Do you need something?”

_ Shit. I’m not asking the right questions. _ You curse yourself. Your head throbs harder. “No, I mean like… _ fuck! _ ” The frustration is building up. 

“F/n… is something wrong?” She steps closer to you. 

Your chest tightens in disapproval to your own actions. The difficulty to properly sort feelings from words is more tortuous than the situation. It’s akin to being caged in your own mind, your heart telling you one thing while your brain tries to decipher the challenging emotions from logic. You're guilty to even possess any feelings. You imprisoned yourself; as the victim, jury, lawyer, and judge, you turned on yourself and sentenced a life sentence. 

It’s sad. You didn’t realize how bad you’ve gotten until now. But that only drives your action into another direction. You decide to go against the plan and outright ask your friend. 

“Have you ever gotten specific medication for anyone…?” You begin, hands shaking. You slowly look up to her, but her eyes are widened as if she is genuinely terrified. First red flag.

A few moments pass by as the question lingers in the air longer than what F/n was hoping for. “N-No.” But when yachi answers, it comes off awfully uncertain. The stutter didn’t help. Second red flag.

You clench your fists, pleading with yourself to hold any rage or irrational emotion back. “Yachi. Please. Don’t lie to me. I need to know.”

She shifts in her spot. The urgency is more than enough proof that F/n is in a desperate state, looking for some form of comfort. It makes Yachi nauseous. “Well I-I don't know what you’re talking about. Specific meds?” She nervously laughs.

You clench your jaw in pure irritation. Hesitation and deflecting the question is all you needed from her. The trustworthy quality you have been scouting out for is almost nowhere to be seen. She’s lying. She’s obviously scared. So what do you do now? How must you progress the conversation? You will wring it out of her.

“Can you tell me what Korlym is?” You eventually spit out.

The name tolls in her ear. She can’t hide the guilty flinch. “K...Kor...lym?”

“Tell. Me.”

“I’ve never gotten that before--”

“Fucking hell-- Listen Yachi! Do I have to spell it out? Did Tooru make you get him specific meds???”

“Technically no, b-but I’m not sure what’s going on. Do you need me to find you some meds...?” She poorly tries to direct the flow of the interrogation into fallacious means of concern. Of course she knows you don't need meds!

There was a word that stuck out to you the most. It simply became another piece of evidence added to your stockpile of shit.

“‘Technically?’” You repeat.

“...”  _ I fucked up. _ Yachi begins to visibly shake. And the thing is, she is not shaking in fear because you happened to squeeze some truth out of her. No. There is an entire other reason that makes her tremble with fervor. Something scarier than the look of betrayal on F/n’s face.

You lick your lips and for a split moment do you doubt her. You take a deep breath and calm your tone significantly. “Let me tell you what happened then. I found a bottle of pills hidden in my boyfriend’s boot. It’s not with the other supplies and it is still full. It’s called Korlym. So… did you get them for him?”

Yachi claims defeat and softly-- finally-- answers a question truthfully. “...Yes.”

Your poor heart almost stops. That was all it took. Three letters to completely destroy your world and everything you thought to be true. You got your answer no matter how unpleasant it was. Was Yachi a part of a plan to abort your baby? Her reaction is nothing short of regret, guilt, and outright terror. She is plenty aware she did something she wasn’t supposed to do. And F/n just caught her.

So… what now?

Your fallen features present sorrow and hurt, yet this simple truth isn’t enough for you.

“When?” You ask her.  _ But do I really want to know? _

Yachi, for some reason, is on the verge of tears. Shouldn't you be the one crying here? “A few months ago.”

“ _ When? _ What run?” You bite.

Her breathing shortens and quickens all at the same time. “The… pharmacy run.”

You purse your lips as a newer question flashes its hazard lights in front of you. You ignore it, but the blinking just gets aggressive and brighter. It stings your eyes and you flinch. You ponder if you might have received a seizure on the spot, and while you don’t mind the thought, the feeling grows unbearable. To stop the horrible disorienting feeling, you attempt to turn off those hazard lights. “Why did he want them?”

Yachi takes a step back as if you might lash out. “I… I think you already know why…”

You shakily breathe out a curse, throat tightening. “Why did you get it for him…?”

“He made me.” Yachi whimpers.

“Does anyone else know?”

“Just Shoyo.” The girl finally lets a few tears fall. She gasps in a breath as she tries to piece broken glass back together with a fucking glue stick. “F-F/n, truly, I-I’m sorry--”

“Don’t.” You simply cut her off, shakily exhaling before walking away. You don’t need her sorry. The apology was backhanded and insincere; she only said anything because you found out Tooru’s secret. What a sad way to reveal it, eh? 

For the first time, you dread the moment your boyfriend is supposed to come back home.

  
  
  
  


_________________

  
  
  
  


You are the last one to walk out of the creaking home. You hadn’t cried yet. Maybe you couldn’t bring yourself to do it yet without confronting your boyfriend. You already had the truth, but the undying need to hear it fall from his perfect lips overpower everything else. Slowly and miserably do you trudge off the porch, ignoring a few words thrown your way. When you meet eyes with Yachi, she shrinks away like a toddler in trouble, but she can see your sad features with clarity. Shoyo— who’s been attached to her hip all day— notices it too. Huh. Maybe she told him about it as well?

Shadowing the people who also didn’t go out on that adventure, you all watch the four volunteers exit the dirty Camry with utter exhaustion. Tooru is the last to shut his door, and you immediately keep your sight glued to his head of hair. Swinging his gun on his shoulder before turning around, his eyes snap up to the expectant crowd. It was a quick search. It wasn’t hard to find you. He smiles at you, so happy, so content. You can see the genuine love in his eyes. That exact thing is what makes this situation more shitty. 

There is a hint of curiosity dancing in his eyes when he notices you standing farther back than the rest. And why is that? You are usually front and center, always eager to search him for bites or other collateral wounds. You would kiss his sweaty, greasy face without caring what else you might be kissing because you would be so happy to witness him still alive. So… where the  _ fuck _ is it today? Tooru loses the smile.

Everyone accordingly disperses to hear the news, warranting you opportunity to walk closer. Kuroo engulfs Kenma in a hug and you can’t help but smile at the endearing gesture. That’s when you notice Tooru making an immediate beeline toward you. Of course you knew how it would look; how out of character you might seem. But could you really bring yourself to act as if you forgot everything Yachi said? What you found? No. 

In no time, Tooru sandwiches your face between his hands, a worrisome look overtaking his being. You stay still as you gaze into his eyes as he does yours. The pure softness, the adoration… it is all there when you look into the brown pools of color. It doesn’t seem remotely possible that he would have done anything to counter those genuine emotions, right? Why is it so conflicting? 

“Is everything all right?” He asks in a quiet tone. You barely recognize that there are other people in the background. 

Now is not the time, that much you understand. You merely swallow and offer an excuse. “I need to talk to you later.” No matter how hurt you are, you can’t bring yourself to push him away in this moment. You curse his caring nature.

Tooru becomes noticeably panicked. “What? Why? Did something happen?” What reason could make you act so distant to him? His heart starts beating at an alarming speed, the pressure thumping harder and harder against his rib cage. A part of him worries for the worst. 

He can’t help the thought of the possibility of you being pregnant again. Is this talk going to be serious? Are you really expecting  _ again _ ?? A part of him just wants to spit the words out, however, the commotion erupting from the main group makes it obvious that this is not the time for him to pry either.

You look back at the scene. Meanwhile, Tooru takes a few more moments to stare at you as if he would be capable of reading the hints you never gave. An ugly frown grows on his face now seeing that you have lost interest in him. 

_ What the hell happened while I was gone? _ He can only ponder. He ends up wrapping an arm around your shoulders like that is his only anchor to keep you near. It’s more to comfort him than you, and while the action doesn’t surprise you, it makes the impending conversation to be held a little more intimidating.

“Does this mean we’ll be fine?” Shoyo inquires, looking up at Daichi. 

Being a little lost, you zero in on the conversation. 

“That’s not for certain. The herd is making its way out of that canyon, and it unfortunately looks like a clear shot from there to here. Their speed varies on the day, so we are estimating at least a week before they get to us.” Kuroo clarifies, making Shoyo’s curious eyes turn disheartened.

“If that’s the case, what does that mean for us?” Kiyoko asks next. 

Koushi hops on his feet and quickly answers the question before anyone else. “We’d stay in the house until they pass. We have enough supplies anyway.”

“How many are there?”

“There’s… a lot.”

“Well, that narrowed it out for her, didn’t it?” Kuroo sarcastically jabs, making the shorter roll his eyes. “Look, no noise, no light, nothing, and we’ll be fine. It’ll probably take a day or two before they fully pass on by if and when they get here.”

“So… what’s the catch?” Kenma questions next. “It can’t be that easy for us to go undetected. What are the factors that can blow the herd out of proportion?”

“Weather and sound, primarily.” He answers. “The most dangerous are the other infected. If the noise of the herd sparks attention from infected in the area, we’ll just have a field full of infected going in every direction… then we’d be really fucked.”

“That’s encouraging to hear…” You mutter and Tooru squeezes your shoulder as if he’s saying it will be alright. Under different circumstances, it would be a hell of a lot more meaningful. “We can’t just leave to find temporary shelter?”

“Nope.” Daichi shakes his head. “It is a possibility, but we’d be a hell of a lot safer in a place already established rather than finding a hut and hoping it won’t knock over with all the commotion.”

_ Well this is just fan-fucking-tastic. _

“This is out of our control, so all we can really do is wait until they hit.” Daichi shrugs, obviously sad he couldn’t give better news nor lessen the severity. “Let’s head inside and rest. We’ll talk more after we clean up.”

Murmurs of disgruntled agreement air around the field. Shoyo trudges along first; Yachi and Tobio follow close. You sigh. A pregnancy, a miscarriage (supposedly), and now a herd of flesh eating monsters heading your way. Everything has been slowly falling apart. Demise looks you straight in the eyes, maintaining eye contact every step of its merry way. You are the main character in a poorly scripted play; the writer laughs as your mental state deteriorates into an unstable condition. What did you do in your past life for things to turn out like this?

Did you pretend not to see a homeless man asking for money? 

Nonetheless, you feel miserable and tired. You want the day to be over. Sleep sounds great…

You turn and step out of Tooru’s arm, expecting him to follow you. Instead, he swiftly grabs you. Harshly. Your eyes snap open in surprise.

“Wait.” Your boyfriend demands, moving to hold you still with his arms locking around your waist. He rests his mouth against your ear, hot breath kissing the skin in delight. It never fails to tantalize you in the cruelest way possible. His eyes are trained on the group slowly impeding into the house, hoping they would move faster since his beloved is in obvious distress. The very last of them disappear and when the door finally shuts for good measure, he speaks. “You said we needed to talk. What’s wrong?”

_ Oh shit. Oh fuck. Here it is.  _ You curse and curse in your head, wanting to just forget about this in its entirety. Maybe you should. You consider it seriously, but you already opened a can of worms. He won’t give up until you tell him exactly what happened (and he wants details).

Sighing with the comfy feeling of your love holding you tightly, you can’t help but realize this is just a big slap in the face to him. He’s been so good to you these past few months. He helped you through your mourning process, showered you with love you thought wasn’t possible, and gave you yet another reason to stay happily with him. 

But…  _ those fucking pills _ . 

You have to ask. You have to get the truth out him. You have to hear it leave his mouth. “Love…?” 

“Yes?” Tooru hums, expectant and patient. Even the darkening, cloud scattered sky is quiet, perfectly awaiting your announcement for all to hear-- well, just Tooru. But it sure as hell feels like a secret being spilt to the world.

Biting your lip, you spit out the question you never got a proper answer to. “Do you want a baby?”

Tooru sucks in a breath, arms tensing up around your fragile form. Silence accompanying your query, you tangibly feel the panic pumping through his veins as time slowly ticks by. Then, he completely removes them from you. Turning around to really face him, you see his eyes darken under a cloud of anger. Does this count as a red flag? It sure feels like one.

“Are you pregnant?” He asks bluntly. His facial features drained any hint of emotion. You stare right into his empty eyes, wondering what would happen if you were to give him an affirmative answer.

“I- What? No.” Lucky for you, this isn’t that special case (not that you would want to see where that went).

Instantly, Tooru’s shoulders relax. He shuts his eyes and takes a step backward to save him from falling to the ground. “F/n…” Tooru warns, running a hand down his face. He predicts where this conversation might go, and he is nowhere in the mood to have it. “I thought we were over this.”

You blink astonished. “Over what? We didn’t necessarily reach any sort of conclusion. I don’t even know how you really feel.”

His dismissive attitude from before is present yet again; a common theme regarding only your unborn child. It makes you nauseous. You’ve seen all the signs, the indirect answers, and, well, fucking Yachi. 

“Do you really want to talk about this? I just came back and I’m tired.” Tooru sighs and cracks his back. 

“We need to.” You insist. Already he appears disinterested; he might just walk away if you don’t give good reason to keep him here. As a result, you take a step forward, grab the hem of his jacket, and pull him toward you in defiance. And voila! That little action blows his eyes wide open and now are dead-set on you. Somehow some humanity floods back into his face as he peers at you in your desperate state. You softly speak, hands tightening around the material. “Just answer my question honestly. Don’t lie to me.”

Tooru knits his eyebrows together.  _ Now _ he is feeling concerned, although he is very aware this concern stems from your labored emotions. It's akin to primal instinct (that is the closest he can describe the feeling with some accuracy). Seeing his mate unstable flipped a switch in his brain; he, without a doubt, must assist you in any way possible. He must give you what you want… even if what you want is the truth?

Could he really do that? He wants your approval so bad, he wants you to have reason to rely on him before anyone else. Would this hinder that goal…?

The longer he looks at you, the more desperate he sees you become.

He can’t find it within himself to deny you of what you want.

“No.” Tooru admits, his voice barely above a whisper. Thoroughly watching for your reaction, he continues. “I don’t want a baby.”

Your hands drop from his jacket to your sides. Defeat has been called upon you. Tooru is almost thrown into a panic seeing your dejected features, but your lack of yelling, crying, and even disgust settles his nerves slightly.

A shiver suddenly runs up your spine in warning to encroaching enemies as you hear his confession. You catch eyes with Yachi and Shoyo who watch the show all the way up from the second story window. Shouting curses and things of the like in your head, you really can’t deal with them right now. You sense that Tooru noticed them too.  _ Whatever. Let’s give them a fuckin’ show. _

“Why couldn’t you just say that from the beginning then?” You ask without any anger, surprising your boyfriend.

He takes this as a green light and continues on with his truthful side of the story. “...Because you wanted it so bad.”

Because you wanted it so bad? Of course you did! Before the breakout, you both never tried for a baby, you never even spoke about it. Shit, it never really crossed your mind because you assumed you had all the time in the world to decide the idea of family later. When it suddenly happened, what else were you going to do? Immediately you felt a sense of mothership; you were going to birth a human being! Your unborn son or daughter laid comfortably in your womb, and you were going to protect that thing until death do you part. 

You didn’t actively try to have a baby (It’s kinda hard to find condoms nowadays. Go figure). It just happened. That’s all. You sigh and look up at Tooru. “I never wanted a baby. I still don’t. I just wanted  _ that _ baby. It’s not like I genuinely want to try for another.”

This doesn’t make sense to him. He peers down at you with an incredulous expression and voice box suddenly muted. How…? How did he misunderstand everything? That unpleasant topic you would occasionally bring up… was that to just get on his nerves? But that unmistakable look of sorrow, that mournful expression wasn’t unnoticable by any stretch of the imagination. He loves you so fucking much that he takes pride in the fact that he knows you better than anyone else. There is no way he thought you weren’t serious about having another child… But it turns out he was wrong.

Tooru finds it difficult to swallow. He can’t decide whether or not to be relieved or frustrated. “Then why do you still look so upset?”

“I knew the risks of having a baby but I was fine with it.” You purposefully ignore his question for the moment. Maybe you still can’t bring yourself to say it, but maybe you also desire to clean the air just a bit more. He misunderstood you, afterall, just as you did him. You would be lying if you said it didn’t hurt in the slightest bit, but it still doesn’t shed light onto the reason why he has been so dismissive about everything. The only question is  _ why _ would he keep lying about that? “Tooru, I thought we were supposed to be honest with each other. Why would you lie?”

He inhales. You are calm. You aren’t lashing out. He reconsiders his secrecy and wonders if he should have been honest from the start.

Tooru merely shrugs. “What was I supposed to say? You know we have nothing here.”

You shake your head in disagreement. “We have everything. Compare our lives from before we met these people. We’re doing a hell of a lot better now. We’re safe.” 

Your tone progresses into a passive one. Your words come out bitter, the obvious escalation of anger peaking through with ease. It was a bite that Tooru felt painfully well. 

He notices your hands shaking and your eyes darting around in either nervousness of anxiousness. Right then and there he realizes that you have been trying to keep it all in, and it threatens to come out with severity. Your calm attitude is not one of understanding, it was one of shock and hurt. Another sting he has the displeasure of experiencing.

Tooru swallows and attempts his hand at reasoning with you. If he had more time, if he knew this were going to happen he would have prepared a better argument. “No. Not with a baby who could scream louder than a fucking banchee. We barely have medicine and bandages and even then, the medicine isn’t even that useful. You think we can sew you up if something were to go wrong? You’d die from infection.” 

All he is doing is spewing reasoning through emotion. Just like you. 

“Did you kill my baby?” You ask, brave eyes staring up at your beloved.

He inhales, a newfound sense of panic he has never experienced taking place. The scary thing is… you look absolutely certain. It’s like you already know. He almost can’t formulate a sentence, so his response instead comes out airy. “...What did you just ask me?”

_ Here’s your moment, F/n. The long awaited moment that will decide the outcome of your relationship _ . “I found pills hiding in your boot.” You watch his body freeze and his eyes widen. He couldn’t even pretend to not know what you were talking about. How sad for you. “There was a cute little warning on the back too.”

Tooru opens his mouth but closes it. He genuinely is at a loss for words. His brain can’t keep up with the occurring events. It's two miles behind while you are already at the next train station. He is losing you….

And it's too late to make up some sorry excuse.

His lack of words was everything you needed. But as always, it isn’t enough. When tears start pricking at your eyes, Tooru finally shows some emotion, but it's too late. “Did you get Yachi to bring them back for you? Did you crush them up? Put it in my food before feeding me?”

“F-F/n….”

“Don’t fuckin’ lie.”

Tooru wants to lie so bad, he wants to tell you a story you want to hear. He’s neck deep in shit. It is way too late for that. Despite his frantic state, he knows very well that attempting to lie to your face right now would not do anything to help the situation. It’s already broken beyond repair.

“Yes.” He says. Yes to those three questions…. Your broken expression hurts him the most. “I-I did it for you. You have to understand that--” He reaches his hand out to your face, but you instinctively pull back. The caring attitude he tried to rectify the situation with fleets away. You just turned away from him…

Never, in all the years you’ve spent dedicated to each other, have you ever neglected his touch. His heart pounds loudly in his ears. He swears he might die. What the hell are you doing to him??? He can’t stand for this!

Quickly masking his hurt with an invincible shield of stoicness, he tries justifying his actions yet again. “Do you know how dangerous it is to have a baby? I couldn’t watch it kill you. How could you want to carry something like that?”

“ _ It _ was mine.” You say with such definitiveness. The possessiveness makes Tooru seethe with jealousy.

“I did it  _ for you _ …”

“It wasn’t your decision to make.” You feel violated and hurt and betrayed and everything in between. He took away your choice. 

“It had to be.” The look in his eyes almost appear evil. “Do… you hate me?”  _ Do you love that miscarried creature more than me? Are you willing to distance yourself from me over this? I thought you wanted the truth. _

That is a question you are not capable of answering in the moment. Your clouded emotions, despite what you know to be true, still makes you want to answer a simple ‘no.’ How is that possible? Wouldn’t it make more sense to hate every fibre of his being? 

You need space. That’s all you know.

“You keep the bedroom. I’ll find somewhere else to sleep tonight.” Then you walk away from your boyfriend, leaving him in a stupor. He couldn’t move from his spot. He stared at where you stood, soon developing an irrevocable rage that made him physically fume. You just turned away from him. You just… rejected him…

How could you do that to him?  _ Him _ ?

What could have made you act this way? The F/n he knows wouldn't do what you just did. It can't be your fault. 

No… it’s theirs…

Tooru slowly turns his head upwards, making eye contact with the two pieces of shit he hates most in the world. They both flinch, but Shoyo remains grounded as he puts an arm over Yachi as a form of protection.

_ That won’t save her… _ Tooru muses.

Even you who noticed their presence early hated the intrusion of privacy. A sudden blast from the past made your eyes widen in realization.

_ “I’m not gonna lie, I’m surprised Tooru has even let you leave.” _

_ “Oh my god, that’s true. Even when you were pregnant he didn’t seem to have a problem with you going on runs.” _

_ “You realize how overprotective he is of you, right?” _

_ “I’ve just always found it odd why he didn’t seem to press you to stay home.” _

_ “Where are you going with this?”  _

_ “Nowhere! It was just an observation.” _

You let the tears fall. You don’t care that Yachi and Shoyo are silently peering from the window. It is so obvious now. The puzzle pieces got tired of waiting to be put together. Upon its own accord, the game itself grew arms and fingers to proficiently finish what had been started. A few pieces are still missing, but the vital ones were put together; the picture is now a feasible image. They were trying to subtly hint the inconsistencies within Tooru’s behavior. They already knew. They knew before you. Yachi played into your boyfriend’s hand, causing her to confide in Shoyo. They tried to tell you in their own useless way.

You didn’t want to see their warning.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shi took me awhile to get this out. I took break for granted smh.


	4. A Burden Upon Conception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tooru's pov provides a little more clarity to the reasoning behind his actions.

_*The following is during the time period when F/n was pregnant*_

///////

He couldn’t go to sleep. His mind wouldn’t allow him. 

Too much to think about and too much to try and fix. Why was he the man to go to when problems resisted to be rectified? If he’s being honest, it only made his day to day less than pleasant as he continued to put on a mask and pretend he was fine with how things upshot. To hell with the praise! He never desired it. The fact that the group constantly gets down on their knees and kisses his feet until they are blue in the face demonstrates a hierarchy. He is the king in everyone’s eyes. 

Except for yours. 

Your eyes find his and you smile. You see him as your dignified equal. But why does that piss him off so much? He should be happy you don’t treat him in a way he utterly despises. And yet… he’d rather receive constant praise from you rather than the unsightly group he had the misfortune to stumble upon. Until death becomes him, he will forever regret that day he decided to approach them. It only caused a minor rift between you both-- a rift nonexistent to you and a rift blatantly obvious to him.

You quickly became friends with Yachi and Shoyo, earning you a solid reputation within the group. In turn, Kenma slowly started approaching you (although he felt obligated to after Kuroo and Tooru began speaking on a strategic level for the improvement of the group) and even Tobio who thought that exchanging a few words of respect was due. Within a short amount of time, you grew close with these people. You learned their habits and personalities in a way that, quite frankly, made your boyfriend feel left out. 

He saw himself slowly distancing from you, and he didn’t like that one bit. Eyes glued to your form wherever you went acted as a safety blanket to somehow keep him tied to you. He’d intervene if he had to.

But that’s not the point here. You opening your heart to other human beings fucked him up. He thought he was the only one who could encompass all your time and energy. That’s what he expected once the world went to shit! Another thing had to fuck up his plans...

How could he keep you safe with all these other factors now flooding his vision? Why were you so invested in the things that played no role in your life before? Why weren’t you looking at him anymore? Couldn’t you see how desperate he’s becoming? Because he is now getting fucking desperate. 

In perfect picture scenes, the pages flipping without an end to the story, Tooru could only think about where he went wrong as he watched your sleeping face. You were snuggled against him while he remained propped on an elbow from the preceding hours of the night. You look so content, so happy even in your sleep. He’s envious. It’s been so long since he could sleep well without overanalyzing every little action you made. 

His hand slowly reaches out to your face, thumb softly caressing your cheek in complete adoration. His fingers then brush away the locks of hair still in the way. He adores you in a nature you could never comprehend. He’s positive you’ve noticed the extremity of his love, although antithetical enough, you’d never notice it. How could you notice the subtle ways he manipulates your environment? The way he utilizes diction as means to persuade your thoughts and actions? It’s a frightening and dangerous tool.

Again, you’d never notice it. 

Especially now, you won’t take into account anyone else's feelings but your own. Not while you are pregnant and happily expecting to carry a life of normality over into this kind of world. Modern day could never replicate the extravagences and privileges from before. Don’t you know that? Tooru assumed that maybe you’d see his false excitement, but you were so drunk on the feeling of bearing a child that you couldn’t read through it. 

It was another pain in his ass for him to endure and fake. He doesn’t want a baby. There are countless scenarios that could go wrong and if they do go wrong, there is no way he'll be able to go back in time and fix it. He can fix a lot of things, just not that. However, he does acknowledge that he is tired of sharing you, so maybe that is what fueled his hatred toward his own child (well, he doesn’t consider it his child). A burden upon conception is what he firmly believes to be true. A burden to you, a burden to the group, and especially a burden to himself.

Considering the logistical spectrum, there aren’t a lot of ways to get the proper medical care for a pregnant woman, so the likelihood of surviving while giving birth in a less than sanitary environment isn’t that high. Then keeping the baby healthy and clean would be difficult in its very nature. How loud can babies scream and cry again? Thinking about it makes Tooru shudder.

Now, on the other end of the spectrum (the more emotional and irrational area), he’d hate to lose you from this. Already have you been ignoring him, so adding a baby to the situation? Your attention and energy would be focused solely on the child. You would have to meet all its needs! But what about Tooru’s needs? He’s heard horror stories about the mother hating any physical contact from her partner during pregnancy and after. Of course resentment stemmed from this very fact! If you survived birth, then he would, without a doubt, be losing you in more ways than one. He isn’t ready to give you up! He will never be ready! Is it so bad that he wants you all to himself? You’d never hate him for wanting to keep things the way they are, right? Humans tend to find comfort in environments they are familiar with; how is this any different?

Tooru swallows harshly. _What can he do to fix this?_

The original plan he had concocted was simple enough without the need to interfere: letting you leave for supply runs in hopes that it would be too strenuous, causing you to lose the baby. You hadn’t mentioned unexplainable bleeding during that time, so he deemed the possible solution a failure. Knowing that you and Yachi leave the next day to scout out a pharmacy around 20 miles north of the farm, he is provided a little bit of comfort. Perhaps the travel would be arduous for you (then he remembered that the group has a working vehicle-- you’ll be driving for the majority of time). Even then, he can’t rely on that one mesley little trip to take care of the deed. He needed to fix this soon, or else you’d be too far along to do anything about it. Yachi said you were around 8 weeks, give or take, so that means-- Wait. 

Yachi!

Yachi is the solution!

His heart accelerates from the sudden excited acuity. He almost jumps out of bed but then realizes he can’t wake you. _Shit… I’m going to have to leave quietly…_

The plan has formed in his head. He’ll execute it, from point A to point B; a straight line should be easy. Granted, everything in theory is perfect.

Tooru slowly rises from the bed, first lifting his elbow which has been cemented in place for four continuous hours. His face scrunches up in displeasure, the stiffness so uncomfortable he might just have to cuss in an attempt to relieve pressure. He resists. Making it over that benign hurdle, his next one awaits, which should prove to be more detrimental to the plan. The wooden home allows anyone to hear minute creaks of movement. This could go really well, or he might just fuck himself over. 

Both feet planted on the ground soon manage his weight as he fully straightens himself standing. Briskly checking back on you, he takes a step forward. Then another. Then another. He’s almost to the door! He goes to open it. The creaking is obnoxiously loud, threatening him by feigning the action of waking up his lover. Biting his lip in slight fear, he looks back to see if his ambitious goal was foiled before it even got started. Much to his consolation, you still lay unmoving. Taking the last steps, he swiftly darts out. 

_That was unnecessarily nerve wracking_ , he sighs.

Tooru runs his fingers through his hair as he looks at the room a few doors down. To his luck, the door is ajar, so as he makes itty bitty steps inside, he scans the dark room for the girl. Unfortunately, Kiyoko rooms with the girl, but he learned pretty early on that she is usually unbothered. The chances of her waking up should be relatively low. 

He eventually hovers over Yachi, a dark gaze plaguing his regularly casual appearance. He has to be quick and quiet at the same time. To prevent her from screaming, he slaps a hand over her mouth and leans closer to her face. Immediately she reacts. Eyes snapping open and breathing heavily, she just about does the thing he doesn’t want her to do.

“Keep… your mouth shut.” Tooru growls at such a low pitch, Yachi briefly mistakes him for an intruder. He gives a look as if he's asking if she would let out a noise. Message well-received because she shakes her head to confirm. Dragging her out of bed, his firm grip on her fragile wrist reassures that she won’t escape. He guides her downstairs, not even minding the obvious sounds of footsteps echoing each other; the creaking is not as bad as he thought.

“T-Tooru…” The girl timidly whispers. 

Of course not knowing what to expect-- the abnormality that Tooru is paying attention to her is one thing-- Yachi can’t help but reach a conclusion. Adultery. She can’t help but blush. Is this what being wanted desperately feels like? She’d be one of the firsts to admit that Tooru is one fine man, but the haziness and confusion from abruptly waking up only to find him over her… it is something else.... She can’t quite figure out the meaning of this. Well, she prefers to think of it in a way that feeds her ego deliciously.

“Quiet until we’re outside,” he snaps, digging his nails into her skin so hard that it might just break and leak blood to expose evidence of his abuse. Crap. He mustn't be too harsh or else there will be questions in the morning.

However, Yachi thinks she hears a sense of urgency in his voice. Misconstruing literally everything, her blush deepens with color. She barely has time to consider his pregnant lover sleeping soundly upstairs, unbeknownst to the fact that he is seeking out another playmate. The thought tempts her even more.

Tooru leads her through the kitchen and exits out the back door. They both get drenched in the moonlight, a particular glow illuminating the scene in such a way that not even lamps could suffice. Even the stars are naked in all their glory. The light pollution from the big cities faded with time, now proving that there can, indeed, be a silver lining in the world that went awry. This is God’s gift for everyone to admire and it's beautiful. 

_Shit… **he’s** beautiful…_ Poor Yachi still fantasizes as she gazes up at his perfect face. The moonlight is gifted with its talent as it casts a shadow on his face. Just godlike, she worships. He stares down at her, noting a dark shade tinting her cheeks. He almost scoffs in disgust. Maybe he should have considered this happening (given her track record within the group). Eh, it's whatever. His mind was focused on other things rather than something so trivial like Yachi’s hormones. 

Oh? What’s that he sniffs?? Blackmail material, of course!

“W-What about F-F/n--” Yachi stutters out.

Tooru’s eyebrow twitches. A part of him feels violated. “What the fuck did you think was going to happen?” She flinches at his words, and finally does reality crash down on her as hard as a tsunami wave. Now she is just embarrassed. His following words do the situation no justice. “You get enough dick bouncing between Daichi and Shoyo, so if you think **I** want **you** , you need to really humble yourself.”

“You know…?” She whispers, eyes wide.

First she realized her secret was out of the bag, next she noted how she is the human embodiment of literal dog-shit in his eyes, and then she registered his abusive tone. What was she thinking? Even if he did want something intimate with her, it would make no sense. A fucking moron could see the love-struck, incandescent look in his eyes whenever he looks at you. Stupid girl. He’s just a stranger who failed to expose his true intentions early on. She doesn’t know him. 

“I know? Yes I fucking know.” He spits.

“Then why…? Why are you-- I’ve never seen you act like this...” Her hands begin to shake in unkept terror as his beautiful face morphs into something hellish and sinister. All the signals she perceived to be true are now red and flaring. There is an anger in his eyes she has never seen before. 

“I need something from you.” Tooru calms his tone into a more controlled yet heavy sound. It provides no solace for her-- the evil intentions are still there. “You and F/n are leaving tomorrow, right?”

At this point, she grows confused. What does he need from her that couldn't wait till the morning? “W-Well, maybe--”

He cuts her off. “Okay. Listen to me very carefully. You’re pre-med? I need you to bring back a drug that can abort a fetus that’s less than 10 weeks.”

Yachi freezes in her spot, blood running cold. His eyes are wide and expectant, but they just look terrifying. Something about this doesn’t feel right. Her voice shakes as she asks him, “Why? Does F/n want this?”

“Can you bring me back something? I don’t care what it is, just something!” He merely repeats annoyedly. 

A yes or no answer would be great. Even if the answer is no, it’s not like there is only one pharmacy in the whole goddamn world. There are fruits that have yet to be discovered deep within the confines of the infected-ruled palace. If the public found ways to overthrow a monarchy hundreds of years ago, then there is surely a way to do so now. He’ll obtain some type of pill, liquid, _anything_ to kill the thing inside you.

“...You’re asking me this without her knowing…?” Shock becomes her, causing her to take a step back away from him. 

“No shit!”

The night threw Yachi for a huge fucking loop. Never has she been more blindsided, embarrassed, and confused just because Tooru is someone she never thought he’d be. Everyone and their mother’s know he runs things by you first and foremost before diving into action! So what the hell is going on here?

“You know she wants it…” She tries to defend the girl she would have betrayed if given the chance. 

The male notes her sudden loyalty for a moment and laughs; she is no friend of yours. “Having a baby is not good for her.”

“I...I can’t…”

Tooru licks his lips. He can finally utilize his weapon. And he’ll abuse it beyond its capabilities because that is what blackmailing entails. Make your victim bend and kneel before your eyes, and once that happens, you know you have won. He smirks, “You will, because I’ll tell Daichi about you whoring back and forth. Then I’ll tell Shoyo.”

There it is. She was expecting it (how he discovered her secret, she’ll never know). But she can’t lose without a fight. There is a moral war going on here! “I’m not getting crap for you.”

How weird she switches sides so quickly, yeah?

He lets out an irritated sigh. Okay, if that won’t do, he’ll have to lay it on her harder. Give her space she thinks she has, then suffocate her the last second. A slow and cruel death for those who believe mercy has been bestowed upon them. 

And he knows exactly how to make that happen. “The whole group will know you were coming onto me.”

Her heart skips a beat and a sharp needle pokes straight through her stomach. The sudden jolt of anxiety is more than noticeable now. Is she fucked? Because it feels like she is.

“I-I was not-- You know that's not true.” Yachi falters in stature.

He smirks once he sees the nails slowly screwing out of her joints, his words acting as a tool designed for torture and reform. He’ll need a few more to unscrew before she’ll fall involuntarily to the ground, unable to situate her limbs together all by her lonesome. “Doesn’t matter the damn truth. I’ll run to F/n and tell her a story she’d hate to hear. It’ll go around the group quickly, and your boy toys will know you can’t keep it in your pants. No one will ever see you the same again. Imagine thinking one of your close friends tried something on your boyfriend? I know she’d be hurt.” Tooru crosses his arms. “I can only imagine how ostracized you’d become.”

The condescending tone does its job to make her feel little. But Yachi attempts to consider the doubt despite the fear heating up gradually in her veins. There is no way he’s this serious! “You’re bluffing. You won’t blackmail me.” 

“Then I hope you’re prepared to die.” 

Yachi chokes. Tooru remains unbothered yet serious altogether. 

“Are you really threatening me with death…?” A thin sheet of tears begins coating her widen orbs. No way is he…. He can't be…. Murder?

He leans his body toward her, his breath reaching her face. “I swear I will find ways to make all your deaths look like an accident. And you know they will believe whatever story I tell them if they catch me standing over your body. The best part is that F/n would believe me first.”

A tear softly cascades down her cheek as the panic attack leisurely sneaks up on her. In this moment, she realizes that the man who has allowed himself in and bettered this group did not do it because he simply wanted to. 

All those good deeds accompanied by those false smiles were his own special means of production. And the product? F/n favoring the male. He had to work overtime now that other males dared to impress her. And what did that cost? Yachi’s afraid to find out how far he’s willing to go. Well, acknowledging that he wants to make Yachi an accomplice by killing your child, there is no reason he wouldn’t follow through with killing her in her sleep.

“Does she know you’re like this?” She asks.

He twitches at the question. Of course you don’t. “If you tell her or anyone about this, you’re dead. That is not a threat nor just something to hold over you… it's a promise.” Tooru examines the poor girl on the verge of a nervous breakdown and deems this a job well-done. Sure, he may have used threats by means of persuasion, but that also doesn’t negate the fact that he is prepared to follow through with those threats either. He turns to open the back door to head inside, but he halts and makes one last comment to solidify the agreement only he signed. “I expect to see some kind of drug in my backpack when you get back.”

Leaving the shaking girl to her own devices, he experiences the chronic desire of wanting to hold you close. He wants to crawl back into bed with you, stick his face in your neck, and finally sleep soundly. It’ll be worth it in the end. You’ll see. He’s positive you’ll realize the favor a miscarriage can offer you.

If you don’t, he’ll make you. Because it's for you. 

Anything for you.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so the topic of abortion nowadays is so controversial. I feel like we often see women being forced into keeping the baby, so I kinda thought, hey, what if someone was forced to abort the baby??? Idk, I just had the idea one day and thought a yandere ff was the best way to execute the concept. 
> 
> \- Alasys xxx

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo! 
> 
> Here is the first part to my first oneshot type thing. 
> 
> I hope it was the least bit interesting. My goal is to make the readers invested in the story! So let me know your thoughts!
> 
> -Alasys xxx


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